The Abandoned Balloon Blues

This is an original composition by the legendary bluesman Howling Fat Chops. It is based on a true story from his harrowing childhood and features some of his family members as back up singers.

Fat Chops: I want my balloon, I want my balloon
Hannah: Your balloon is in Nana's, we'll get it tomorrow.
Fat Chops: I want my balloon, I want my balloon
Hannah: Your balloon is in Nana's, we'll get it tomorrow.
Fat Chops: I want my balloon, I want my balloon
Hannah: Your balloon is in Nana's, we'll get it tomorrow.
Fat Chops: I want my balloon, I want my balloon
Hannah: Your balloon is in Nana's, we'll get it tomorrow.

Fat Chops: I want my balloon, I want my balloon, I WANT MY BALLOON!
Hannah: Your balloon is in Nana's, we'll get it tomorrow.
Fat Chops: I want my balloon [HOWLS LOUDLY]
Hannah: Nana is minding your balloon.
Fat Chops: [HOWLS LOUDER]
[Repeat entire sequence by 8]

The next part is a vocal solo for Fat Chops where Hannah was trying to ignore him and let him cry it out allow his vocal virtuousity to come to the fore.

Fat Chops: I want my balloon [repeat by 30 in varying levels of grief]

Me: Where is your balloon?
Fat Chops: In Nana's [sobbed]
Me: When are we going to get it?
Fat Chops: NOT TOMORROW! NOW!!!!

Fat Chops: I want by balloon
Monkey Boy: In Nana's [sung in a weary tone]
Fat Chops: I want by balloon
Monkey Boy: Tomorrow [sung in a weary tone]
Fat Chops: I want by balloon
Monkey Boy: In Nana's [sung in a weary tone]
Fat Chops: I want by balloon
Monkey Boy: Tomorrow [sung in a weary tone]

Fat Chops: I WANT MY BALLOON [Repeat by 8 and fade out]

Indecent Exposure

Yup, Fat Chops is the flasher of the future. He waved his junk at me and grinned; however, there are a couple of extenuating circumstances that mean we don’t have to register him on the sex offenders list just yet.

Firstly, it was just a progression of their nap time antics already documented here and here.

Secondly, we have been trying to encourage their independence and getting them to do some small things like dressing and undressing themselves. It’s been going pretty well but apparently we need to do some more work on explaining the boundaries! Fat Chops insists on doing everything he can but Monkey Boy will try once [half-heartedly most of the time] and if it doesn’t work, will just leave it up to us to do]. He doesn’t quite understand the concept of ‘if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again’ . His motto is “if at first you don’t succeed get one of your servants to do it.”

Lastly, it was their first nap time without nu-nu’s*. The nu-nu fairy came over the weekend and took them away. We decided that it was time that they gave up the nu-nu’s so on Friday night we told them that if they put their nu-nu’s into a bag, the nu-nu fairy would come overnight and swap the nu-nu’s for a present. Well they couldn’t throw them in quick enough and they both marched happily up the stairs and into bed, settling with a minimum of fuss. I’m pretty sure that Fat Chops woke up on Saturday morning, opened his eyes and said “present!” They were very excited and we the nu-nu fairy brought them a couple of swords, not just any old swords though. A pair of really obnoxious swords with flashing lights and ear-piercing sound effects. Obviously they loved them. After a tiring morning of shooting each other with the swords [it DOES make sense, the alternative is that they stab each other with hard plastic swords] they were pretty worn out so Monkey Boy asked for the comfort of his nu-nu. We told him that the nu-nu fairy had taken them away and he had the sword instead. He wasn’t too happy about the permanency of the arrangement. When we calmed him down his pragmatic side kicked in. He picked up his sword, carefully placed it back in the box and starting gathering wrapping paper. We can only assume his intention was to send the sword to the nu-nu fairy and get his nu-nu back.

Anyway, thinking that they were tired, I put them down for their nap a little earlier than normal. In hindsight I realise that they were just cranky, not tired and cranky. After a couple of trips upstairs to explain again that the swords were here to stay I decided to let them grumble themselves off to sleep. After about ten minutes the grumbles escalated into cries so I went up to settle Monkey Boy. As I was doing that Fat Chops lay in bed, wide awake, his eyes following me around the room. As I was leaving, he continued to stare at me and I paused for a second, waiting to hear what he had to say. Actions DO speak louder than words and he pulled down the blanket to show me that he had managed to take off his nappy. I must have failed to hide my laughter because when I gave up on them sleeping twenty minutes later he had removed the nappy again and was proudly showing off and expecting congratulations for his work. I sent him downstairs to Hannah without his nappy and he walked into the kitchen with his vest hanging down over his crown jewels and when Hannah looked up at him he grinned, lifted his vest and gave them a little juggle. Hannah proceeded to choke on her tea.

*A nu-nu is a dummy/pacifier/soother. They heard their cousin say it once and it has stuck since. I was told the origin of the term once but can’t remember.